See God and Die
- TJ Torgerson
- Oct 17, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: May 22, 2024
After Pentecost (Proper 24) | Year A | Exodus 33:12-23 | TJ Torgerson
As a teenager, a friend and I drove a couple hours to attend a meeting hosted by a popular Christian "faith healer." At this gathering, the man on stage told a fanciful story about how, at one of his meetings, Jesus appeared on stage - the glorified, resurrected body, live and in concert. He went on to explain how special this was because Jesus can only be present at one place at a time, and he chose to appear on that stage at that specific moment. Then, he said he had been praying and believing for it to happen again at this meeting, and encouraged all of us to pray and have faith that it would happen, and maybe, if we were lucky enough, Jesus would show up for us as well.
I didn't believe Jesus was going to show up on stage (I guess it's my fault that he didn't). In fact, this was part of my journey away from that particular Christian subculture. I also didn't really believe it happened at the other place that other time. However, there was a part of me that wanted it to be true because I wanted so desperately to encounter God.
Several years before this, when I was in 7th or 8th grade, I sat at a youth group meeting on a Wednesday night. My chair was leaning back against the wall, and I was likely about 37 seconds away from being told to put all four chair legs on the floor. We were playing some silly game or activity that I distinctly remember involving paper plates and most likely tied into a Bible lesson. As I sat there feeling like the odd man out with little to no interest in what was happening, among several others who couldn't care less about church, I thought to myself: If this is what church is all about, then I'm not interested. What I wouldn't have been able to articulate then was that I simply and desperately wanted to encounter God.
The Old Testament Lectionary text for this week is one of those stories that has always stirred something up in my heart. It stirs up that desperate desire to encounter God. The words of Moses, "God, show me your glory," resonate with me deeply.
When my boys were young, I would throw them up in the air and catch them, to which, of course, they would laugh and cheer. Then, when I set them down, they would promptly say, "Again, again!" or "More, more!"
Moses encountered God at the burning bush. He saw God's power in delivering Israel from bondage. He was led by pillars of smoke and fire, saw water from a rock, and bread from heaven. He met with God on Sinai. The more Moses encountered God, the more he wanted to encounter God. Moses said, "Again, again, more, more!" Moses said, "Show me your glory."
Is that our prayer? Is that our desire?
The thing is God wants to show himself to us more than we want to see him. The difficulty, though, is that Moses did not know what he was asking because, as God would explain, to see God was to die. However, God didn't simply explain the problem; he provided the solution. The solution shows that God wants Moses to encounter him as much as Moses wants to encounter God. A solution that illustrates the words of James, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you" (James 4:8).
God placed Moses in the safety of the cleft of the rock so that Moses could get a glimpse of the glory of God. God wants us to get a glimpse of God. This is why God placed Moses in the cleft of the rock, and this is why many years later, God would place himself in a "cleft" of sorts. Paul teaches us in Philippians that Jesus humbled himself, became human, became a servant, and subjected himself to death (Philippians 2). God the Son did this so that we could know and encounter God. When we look upon the face of Christ, we are looking upon the fullness of God (Colossians 2:9).
God wants us to know God, the mysterious, unfathomable, Trinitarian God of the Bible that can be seen and known only through Christ. However, to know and see and encounter God through Christ is still not a safe endeavor. It is still true that to encounter God is to die.
While Christ didn't appear in a glorified body on a stage in front of me, that kid leaning up against a wall in a youth room, contemplating throwing it all aside, did come face to face with Jesus in a way that transformed him. It was a transformation that killed the shy kid who hid in the crowd and turned him into a shy kid who started a prayer group before school, began proudly carrying his Bible around the halls, and participating in the Christian club at school. He grew into someone willing to drive two hours on the off chance that maybe God would be in it. This transformation continued into adulthood, where he sought to put his desires aside for the sake of Christ, willing to go where and when God led, on the slightest chance God might be in it. While it has been an imperfect death, it is a death all the same. My growing hope is to more and more be able to say, "It is not I who live, but Christ in me (Gal 2.20)."
My story is not unique; every church I have visited, in every place I have been, has individuals like me who have encountered Christ and died. There's the pastor that gave up a career as a professional baseball player, moms, dads, and grandparents who give up golf or the lake or whatever on Sunday mornings to bring their kids to church, and volunteers who give up time, privacy, and energy to host small groups in their homes or teach a roomful of kids each week. Every church has individuals with stories like mine. They have encountered Christ, and they have died.
This week's Exodus text can present us with the question: Do we desire to encounter God as Moses desired it? It can remind us that God wants us to see him as much as we want to see him, and it can be a reminder of the incredible journey of life to death to life that Christ is leading us on.
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